The Man I was with You

Listen just hear me out
yes i know we agreed
when we break up we'd never give in to this need
to admit to each other
i miss you

listen just hear my cry
no i won't break my word
if i do say i miss you it would never be heard
let my heart whisper
all that it needs to

*how could you make me take a start?
then just leave me here hanging
can't even say how i'm feeling
how could you make them break my heart?
if i can't say that i miss you
let me say one last thing

#i miss him
and all the things he could do
yes/oh, i miss him
just as much as i miss you
oh, i miss him
i know you're wondering who
yes, i miss him
i miss the man i was with you
oh i would never be the same

listen just hear my voice
can you hear all the tears?
that i'm planning to hide
for the next thousand years
just as long as you know that
i love you

repeat *,#
except last line

how can a blind man find the light?
how can i find the kind of right?
how could you take away my sight?
how could you lose me in the night?
then you took away the heart in me
now i'm losing this fight
no i would never ever be the same

ooh.. ohh

oh, i miss him
and all the things he could do
yes, i miss him
just as much as i miss you
oh i miss him
i know by now you know who
yes, i miss him
i know by now you know who
i miss him
i miss the man i was with you

oh, i would never be the same

*a song by Jimmy Bondoc

Blind by Lifehouse

"Blind"

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go 

The Best Advise

Isn't it funny how we can give the best advices to other people but may not be able to apply the same things to our own lives? One of my colleagues is facing a really big problem with his family. I know how it feels. I've been in his situation several times and it's not easy. Over some bottles of beer, I started telling him my life story and how I was able to recover from it. To be honest, I'm really not sure if I had recovered trully. There are moments when I still get flashes of images I'd rather not remember anymore. There are moments when my heart begins to feel the same hurt I was feeling before. It's hard, it really is. Yesterday I felt the need to be there. Sometimes the burdens that we are carrying becomes lighter if we share it with somebody who understands the situation. After  a while I find my self talking about moving on, forgiveness... FAITH. I realized, I was actually making sense. More than me trying to help a friend, I guess subconsciously I was trying to encourage my self to stand up and rebuild my life. I guess it's true, nobody can fully help us in our struggles but our own selves.

1 Year Later

I was browsing through my Facebook notes when I found a note dated August 16, 2009. It was my goodbye letter for my ex. I was really having the worst time of my life back then and yet I was still in love with the person I gave my whole heart to. After a few months I accepted her back into my life again but I can't say that it has become the same happy relationship we had before. Exactly 1 year after posting the note we broke up again for the second time and this time it's for good. August 16, 2010 I regained my life, took control of it. Exactly 1 year after, I'm no longer held by the same chains that gave me suffering. No need to dwell on the past anymore but below I pasted the goodbye note I composed for her.


Goodbye

I've been dealing with this pain for quite a while,

But I still held on.

Because I Love You.

Now we reached the crossroad..

And came to this point where we have separate paths.

The road was bumpy, full of rocks and puddles,

but I held on.

Because you make me feel safe.

I never anticipated you'd push me down the cliff,

and break me into pieces.

But I forgive you,

because that's how love works.

But now after some moment alone

in this cold, dark mountain side

I noticed the wounds that you've given me.

I love you but I guess I need to love my self as well.

I need to heal my self.

Now you need to travel alone to your chosen destination.

But let my heart guide you through the way.

I know it's gonna be colder here on my side of the road,

But I know memories of us will make me warmer.

While writing this note, I'm crying like a river.

But as they say, when you're lost, just trace back the flow,

and you'll find home.

I love you so much, it's hard for me to let you go.

I'll miss you forever.

"The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore"

My friend Sheng posted this one...

I love the song. :)

"The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore"

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit here anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

I don't know why

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why 

New Look!

Radioactive Puppy has a new sleek and clean design. It still has the wide, 3-part template but with a black background to keep it pretty much straight forward and a cool new header. Renovations will be done in the photo page in the following weeks and maybe adding more pages filled with photos and fun, informative articles (keeping the drama on the side lines). Enjoy!