The Best Advise

Isn't it funny how we can give the best advices to other people but may not be able to apply the same things to our own lives? One of my colleagues is facing a really big problem with his family. I know how it feels. I've been in his situation several times and it's not easy. Over some bottles of beer, I started telling him my life story and how I was able to recover from it. To be honest, I'm really not sure if I had recovered trully. There are moments when I still get flashes of images I'd rather not remember anymore. There are moments when my heart begins to feel the same hurt I was feeling before. It's hard, it really is. Yesterday I felt the need to be there. Sometimes the burdens that we are carrying becomes lighter if we share it with somebody who understands the situation. After  a while I find my self talking about moving on, forgiveness... FAITH. I realized, I was actually making sense. More than me trying to help a friend, I guess subconsciously I was trying to encourage my self to stand up and rebuild my life. I guess it's true, nobody can fully help us in our struggles but our own selves.

1 Year Later

I was browsing through my Facebook notes when I found a note dated August 16, 2009. It was my goodbye letter for my ex. I was really having the worst time of my life back then and yet I was still in love with the person I gave my whole heart to. After a few months I accepted her back into my life again but I can't say that it has become the same happy relationship we had before. Exactly 1 year after posting the note we broke up again for the second time and this time it's for good. August 16, 2010 I regained my life, took control of it. Exactly 1 year after, I'm no longer held by the same chains that gave me suffering. No need to dwell on the past anymore but below I pasted the goodbye note I composed for her.


Goodbye

I've been dealing with this pain for quite a while,

But I still held on.

Because I Love You.

Now we reached the crossroad..

And came to this point where we have separate paths.

The road was bumpy, full of rocks and puddles,

but I held on.

Because you make me feel safe.

I never anticipated you'd push me down the cliff,

and break me into pieces.

But I forgive you,

because that's how love works.

But now after some moment alone

in this cold, dark mountain side

I noticed the wounds that you've given me.

I love you but I guess I need to love my self as well.

I need to heal my self.

Now you need to travel alone to your chosen destination.

But let my heart guide you through the way.

I know it's gonna be colder here on my side of the road,

But I know memories of us will make me warmer.

While writing this note, I'm crying like a river.

But as they say, when you're lost, just trace back the flow,

and you'll find home.

I love you so much, it's hard for me to let you go.

I'll miss you forever.

"The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore"

My friend Sheng posted this one...

I love the song. :)

"The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore"

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit here anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

I don't know why

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why 

New Look!

Radioactive Puppy has a new sleek and clean design. It still has the wide, 3-part template but with a black background to keep it pretty much straight forward and a cool new header. Renovations will be done in the photo page in the following weeks and maybe adding more pages filled with photos and fun, informative articles (keeping the drama on the side lines). Enjoy!

She's out of my Life

[1st Verse]
She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
And I Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry
I Don't Know Whether To Live Or Die
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

[2nd Verse]
It's Out Of My Hands
It's Out Of My Hands
To Think For Two Years She Was Here
And I Took Her For Granted I Was So Cavalier
Now The Way That It Stands
She's Out Of My Hands

[Bridge]
So I've Learned That Love's Not Possession
And I've Learned That Love Won't Wait
Now I've Learned That Love Needs Expression
But I Learned Too Late

[3rd Verse]
She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
Damned Indecision And Cursed Pride
Kept My Love For Her Locked Deep Inside
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life 

The Moon

I have always been fascinated by the moon. I remember always dreaming of taking pictures of it when I grow up. Now I take every chance to shoot at the moon and try more techniques to make that perfect shot. Above is a practice shot I made earlier.

My table has arrived!

The furniture I ordered finally arrived last Sunday.  Just a simple, but heavy, dark wood coffee-table with movable shelves... but I'm so happy since I designed it myself for our Samsung tv and home theater. :)

Early Birds get more presents!

The tree is 30% complete! Around this time of the year we setup the Christmas Tree and add ornaments through the weeks ahead. We setup this one yesterday and our theme for this year is White and Gold. :)

Sam's New Doo!

Saturday was Sam and Zach's Grooming and massage day!

One step at a time

It has been a while since I was able to sit down and wrote something here. Maybe because of the break up and all, I was too busy just trying to survive everyday without knowing what's in store for me the next day. Everyone has been motivating me to just move on with life and face my problems head on, but I was too weak. How does one find strength to survive when the sole reason for his survival is already gone? How will I pull through when the hands that used to push me does not exist anymore? To put it plainly, it sucks.

And then it hit me. I still breathe the same way, why can't I live after this? The truth is, I'm attached to her and I will miss all the things that we do together.I will miss her voice, her face, her hair. I will miss being her boyfriend... but it won't stop me from living. Missing someone hurts a lot, but life goes on.One step at a time, I need to get my life back. One little step at a time, I need to learn how to walk on my own, I need to learn how to run and be free! I don't know what hurts more, moving on with life without her or just falling out of love, but these are mere obstacles that I need jump over. Kaya mo yan RG, malakas ka naman eh!